yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
