She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
