Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
