apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
