Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
