Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
