I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
