My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
