He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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