i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
