Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
