I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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