Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
