As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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