sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
