some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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