Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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