I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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