I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
