About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
