Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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