Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im part way to drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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