saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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