Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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