Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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