i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
