well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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