i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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