i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
