It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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