dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
