Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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