Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
