omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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