I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
