Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize