Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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