but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
