no, he came in my armpit
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
