haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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