One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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