bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
