i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you still have your period?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
