Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
