I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
