Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize