Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize