I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
