So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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