i just made my gag reflex go away.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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