you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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