After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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