i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize