Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
