Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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