Ketchup is God's man juice
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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