he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
