Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
