you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
