You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize