see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
