dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
