You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
