have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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