We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
