I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
