I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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