did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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