I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
