Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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