Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
