If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
